


The Greatest Punishment

by my_proof_is_you



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Grief/Mourning, Love/Hate, hunter reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-03 10:09:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12746184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_proof_is_you/pseuds/my_proof_is_you
Summary: This work is from a reader suggestion! Thank you, Alex/Supernaturalfan#1!You and Dean were happy together. The only thing that really frustrated you in your life was the hatred you felt from his brother. You didn’t even know what you had done to him. You just knew that he couldn’t stand you, and the feeling was mutual.As events unfold, will all that change? You never know what can bring people together.“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.”-Federico García Lorca, Blood Wedding and Yerma





	1. Chapter 1

 

“Mmm, good morning,” you said. You rolled over and snuggled into Dean’s open arms.

“Mornin’, princess,” he replied groggily.

You kissed him lightly before resting your head on his chest.

“So what’re we doing today?” You asked.

“Well I think Sammy has a hunt for us to look into,” he replied.

“Ugh,” you said almost involuntarily.

“What is your deal with him? I don’t get why you two can’t seem to get along.”

“Maybe you should ask him,” you said, propping yourself up on your elbows. “He’s the one that seems to have a problem with me.”

“Sam is so nice that he can barely even hunt _monsters_ without wanting to give them a second chance. I have a hard time believing that he is mean to you.”

You rolled your eyes. You and Dean had had this conversation a few times, and he still didn’t believe you. For some reason, though, Sam had never liked you.

When you had first met the brothers it had been on a hunt. The three of you were hunting the same thing and decided to combine forces. You worked well as a team and kept doing hunts together after that. Both of them had seemed like really great guys then.

Of course, Dean made a move on you eventually. You hadn’t really thought about dating either of them but it wasn’t like you could say no to those piercing green eyes. After you and Dean had been on a few dates, Sam started changing. He was short with you, rolled his eyes at you, and even went as far as to avoid you around the bunker.

At first you thought it was because you were taking Dean away from Sam, and he was mad that they weren’t spending as much time together. You even made sure that the two had ample time to themselves—going to bars, doing research together, and even doing a few hunts alone. But it didn’t help. Sam’s attitude toward you stayed the same.

You didn’t blame Dean for not believing you. Sam was a nice guy, you knew that. He was nice to everyone he met. But you figured that something about you upset him. You weren’t sure if it was your personality or what, but you knew he didn’t like you.

You sighed and pulled yourself from your thoughts. “Well, those monsters aren’t gonna hunt themselves,” you said as you got out of bed. Dean gave you a wolf whistle when he saw your naked body and you turned around and posed like a pinup girl for him.

“You like what you see, big boy?” You said in the worst accent possible.

“You keep that up and we won’t be going anywhere,” he said with a smirk.

“Hmm...maybe later,” you said, turning and grabbing your robe to head to the bathroom. You put it on and walked out the door where you barreled directly into Sam.

“Oh, Sam, I’m sorry,” you said. You had to keep yourself from falling. Running into a Winchester was like running into a brick wall.

Sam was not affected by your weight running into him and merely looked down at you, his expression blank. “Yeah, whatever,” he said, continuing down the hall.

You turned back around in the doorway, looking at Dean and waving your hand as if to say, “I told you.”

Dean just shrugged and shook his head. He had talked to Sam before on your behalf, and nothing really came of it. Sam just brushed it off, telling Dean that you were imagining things.

You turned and huffed down the hallway to the bathroom. It actually made you furious that Sam acted that way.

_What right does he have to judge me?_ You stared at yourself in the mirror before removing your robe and hopping in the shower. You scrubbed your hair angrily with shampoo.

_Screw him._


	2. Chapter 2

“You know what? Fuck you, Sam!” you yelled.

The three of you had gone on the hunt. It was a small job--or so you thought.

It was supposed to be a simple salt and burn, but when you dug a little deeper, you found out that it was not only one ghost haunting the family, but three.

Things had gone south after you had burned the bones of the first ghost. The family had called to say that it hadn’t worked and that their five-year-old daughter was missing.

You, Dean, and Sam had gone back to the house to take a look around. The EMF meter was still going off the charts, which was strange since you had checked it before you left before and it read as nothing.

“This other ghost must have hidden or something somehow,” you said while holding the buzzing meter.

“Yeah, obviously,” Sam replied in a snide tone. You rolled your eyes but ignored him.

“Well when we looked into the history of the house it didn’t seem like anyone else had stuck around,” Dean said.

“We must have been wrong,” you said. You traveled around the house with the meter and stopped when you found a spot that seemed to have the most activity, which was right by the door to the basement.

“Did they say if they checked for their daughter down here?” you asked.

“I think they did. But if a ghost took her she may be somewhere less obvious down there,” Dean replied.

“Let’s check it out,” Sam said as he pushed past you. You and Dean followed behind him down the creaky wooden stairs. You and Sam had your shotguns raised while Dean held up a tire iron.

“Carly?” you called out softly. The three of you split up to cover more ground. You walked along the northern wall, looking for anything that might give away a hiding spot.

Suddenly you could see your breath. You knew you were getting close.

“Y/N! Duck!” Dean yelled. You did and Sam shot the air where you were just standing where a few seconds before a ghost had appeared behind you. From your spot on the ground you could see that another had appeared between the brothers.

“Guys! Down!” you yelled. You stood up quickly and shot salt between them, making the other ghost disappear.

“There are _two_ more?! Son of a bitch!” Dean yelled as he got up. The three of you scrambled to get the upper hand, shots ringing out and Dean swinging the tire iron relentlessly. You got to the place where the first ghost showed up while the boys were occupying the ghosts. There was a large armoire and you knew almost immediately that it was where Carly was hidden.

You pushed the armoire out of the way with all your strength. There was a hole in the wall behind it, and you looked in to find an unconscious Carly along with the bones of the two ghosts on the other side of the cubby.

You had only moments to make a decision: pull Carly out and take her to safety or salt and burn the bones so the boys wouldn’t get hurt.

You quickly salted the bones and poured lighter fluid on them, making sure Carly was on the other side of the hole. Right as you were about to light them up, one ghost appeared between Carly and the bones.

“No!” You yelled. Before you could throw your lighter down, the ghost stuck his hand in Carly’s chest. As it went up in flames, Carly coughed, a trickle of blood coming out of her mouth.

“No, Carly, stay with me!” You yelled, kneeling beside her. Her eyes opened for a moment before going blank.

“No…” you whimpered.

The boys stood behind you and Dean helped you up, enveloping you in a hug as you began to sob. You couldn’t believe you had failed.

Sam picked up Carly’s tiny body and the three of you went outside where the family was waiting. It was the most heartbreaking thing to have to give two parents the lifeless body of their daughter.

The three of you got in the Impala and drove silently to the motel you were staying in. When you got to the door of your room, you turned to the brothers.

“I’m sorry, guys,” you said, barely lifting your head.

“Yeah, you should be,” Sam said with acid in his voice.

“Whoa, man, take it easy,” Dean said to his brother.

“No, I won’t. What Y/N did in there was a rookie mistake. You always save the civilian over us!”

“It was a tough call, Sam. She did her best!” Dean yelled.

“You’d think you’d know better,” Sam began, turning to you. “Wasn’t that exactly how your family died? A hunter chose to save his partner over your parents and brother. And yet here you are, doing the exact same thing!”

You felt your heart shatter at his words. How dare he throw that in your face?

You finally met Sam’s eyes, and though they were angry, you could tell he was already regretting having said the words.

“You know what? Fuck you, Sam!” You yelled. You turned on your heel, entering yours and Dean’s room and locking the door behind you.


	3. Chapter 3

“Y/N? Come on, baby, let me in.” Dean’s voice came softly from the other side of the door. You had been in the room alone for almost two hours, and you still weren’t completely cooled off.

After you had closed the door, you heard the brothers arguing on the other side in muffled voices. You didn’t know what they were saying, but you eventually their voices calmed and you heard the Impala start and leave the parking lot.

You got up from the bed and unlocked the door before turning back around and laying down in the same spot as before. You heard the door open and close and the bed depressed as Dean laid next to you, spooning you from behind.

He placed a light kiss on your cheek and tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear.

“If you’re here to defend him, you might as well just leave,” you said softly. Your eyes were swollen from crying and you knew you sounded stuffed up.

“I’m not. Sam was an ass, and he knows it. He was upset and he took it out on you. We know it’s not your fault. Either one of us would have made the same call. It doesn’t make what he did okay, though.”

You slowly turned so you were facing Dean. “How could he say that to me, Dean?”

“I don’t know, sweetheart, but I know he’s sorry. I told him to just give you some time.”

“Dean, his hatred for me isn’t going away. You see that, don’t you?” You asked.

“I don’t know what his problem is, but I know my brother. He wants me to be happy. He’ll get over whatever his problem is with you eventually.”

He got up from the bed suddenly and picked you up bridal style. He carried you to the bathroom where he started the shower before turning around and undressing you slowly. He placed light kisses down your shoulders before undressing himself and taking you into the shower.

The sex with Dean was always amazing. It definitely helped to distract you, though you had a hard time getting rid of the anger at Sam that was still in the back of your mind.

—-

  
The next day the three of you had traveled back to the bunker. Sam had pulled you aside in the morning, giving you an apology, though you weren’t sure you believed it. The only thing that made you feel better was that he looked like crap, and you knew he had a bad night.

You merely nodded at his apology in the way of acceptance, and got in the backseat of the car where you could go the next few hours alone. The silence was awkward, but you ignored it and rested your head on the window, watching the scenery pass by.

When Dean pulled into the garage, you and Sam made to get out of the car but Dean locked the doors.

“What’re you doing?” Sam asked.

“Listen. You two have to get your shit together. You don’t have to love each other. Hell, you don’t even have to like each other. But you have to be civil. Sam, she’s not going anywhere,” Dean said. Sam lowered his head and shifted his eyes. “And Y/N, Sam is going to try harder to be nice,” he said, almost as a threat. “I’m not going to lose either of you. So work it out.”

With that Dean unlocked the doors and got out, leaving you and Sam sitting silently in the car. Sam looked at you and you lifted your eyebrows. He looked like he wanted to say something, but thought better of it, opting out get out of the car.

_Whatever_.

—-

A few weeks passed and things went pretty much back to normal. Sam went back to just avoiding you, which you didn’t mind. It was better than having to talk to him and listen to him actively hate you.

You and Dean were happier than ever. You spent a lot of time together just listening to music, going for drives, and even just watching Netflix on the couch.

“How can you say that?!” Dean yelled.

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic,” you replied.

“Baby, Styx are a classic! You must be out of your damn mind.”

The three of you were driving back from a case, and Dean had picked the band to listen to on the way home.

“I just said I didn’t think they were that great. It’s not a big deal!”

You heard Sam snort from the back seat.

“What?” You asked, turning to look at him. For the first time in a long time you saw Sam trying not to laugh.

“Not a big deal? Have you met my brother?” Sam asked.

You gave Sam a smirk and a wink, which actually felt really odd considering your relationship with him. You turned back around, speaking nonchalantly.

“Well, I guess I just don’t think a lot of classic rock bands are that great. I mean, have you heard Led Zeppelin?”

Dean slammed on the brakes and pulled to the side of the road. “Are you friggin kidding me?!”

You and Sam burst out laughing. Dean dramatically put his hand over his heart. “Don’t scare me like that, sweetheart. I thought I was gonna have to break up with you.”

You leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m sorry. You know I love your taste in music.”

Dean’s phone rang and he answered it as he pulled back onto the road. You leaned back in your seat, surprised at Sam’s attitude. He had never once been willing to joke around with you, even if it was at Dean’s expense.

“Yeah, we’ll be there,” Dean said into the phone.

“What’s up?” You asked as he tossed it on the seat beside him.

Dean turned the car around and continued back the way you had come. “We’ve got another case. It isn’t too far from here so I figured we might as well just go straight there.”

“What kind of case?” Sam asked.

“Demons,” Dean replied. “That was Garth. Sounds like there’s been a few wreaking havoc on this town. Jumping people, killing their loved ones and smoking out. The people wake up with no memory of what happened. All they know is that they wake up holding a weapon and to a dead family member.

“Damn,” you said. You weren’t that surprised. You knew what demons were capable of. But it was kind of a wake up call sometimes that there are bigger things going on outside your world. 


	4. Chapter 4

In the blink of an eye, everything had changed.

It had all been a trap. When you arrived to the town where the “case” was, you went straight to the address Garth had given Dean. It was supposed to be the scene of the last demon attack.

When you pulled up to the small house, you had a weird feeling. Something felt off, but you couldn’t put your finger on it, so you ignored it. The three of you got out of the car and walked to the door. You all had your holy water and demon blades in your pockets just in case.

The second you walked through the door, there were demons everywhere. You all knew right away that it wasn’t actually Garth that had called Dean.

Within seconds, each of you was being restrained by two demons.

“What the hell is this?” Dean asked.

One demon stepped forward. It was wearing the face of a middle aged man. “This is the end for you three, Dean Winchester,” he said.

“Oh, please, just let us talk to Crowley, okay? This is a mistake,” you said.

“We aren’t doing this on Crowley’s orders. That idiot thinks he can run Hell, but he’s wrong,” the demon responded. “We’re going to take over, and the first step in doing that is taking out his hunter allies.”

You shot Dean a panicked look. You could tell from his face that he had a plan, though, so you decided to keep the demons talking.

“Oh, I doubt you could make that happen. He’s the King of Hell for a reason.”

Sam caught on to what you were doing. “Yeah, he probably already knows about your little plan.”

“Crowley is an imbecile. He knows nothing,” the demon said, his voice angry.

“Mmm, I wouldn’t underestimate him. Matter of fact,” you began, looking at Dean again. You could tell he was ready. “Isn’t that him now?” You asked, gesturing with your head to the door.

All of the demons looked and it was just the small distraction you needed. You, Dean, and Sam all began fighting off the demons holding you. Dean was the first to be ready, plunging his demon blade into the two holding him before they even had a chance to react.

You and Sam had a little bit of a harder time. You had each taken out one of the demons holding you, but had the others to deal with. Dean was now taking on the leader, fists flying everywhere and blades slashing through the air.

Orange light shone as Sam killed the demon he was fighting before coming over to help you. The two of you got it in no time, just as Dean plunged his blade into the leader.

“Fuck,” you said, dropping your blade on the ground and grabbing your arm. One of the demons had slashed your arm and it was bleeding and painful.

“Y/N, look out!” Dean yelled. Before you knew what was happening, he had thrown you out of the way and began fighting a demon none of you had seen.

You heard a stabbing sound, but it wasn’t accompanied by orange light. You were sick to your stomach as you watched Dean fall to the floor as the demon removed his knife from Dean’s abdomen.

“NO!” You screamed. You threw yourself on the floor, trying to put pressure on Dean’s stomach. Sam swept in and killed the demon, as you were clearly thinking of nothing but helping Dean.

You held Dean’s limp body, tears streaming from your eyes. “Dean, baby, wake up. You’re okay, wake up!”

He didn’t move. Sam knelt beside you, feeling for a pulse.

“No,” he said softly, like he couldn’t believe it.

“Sam, call Cas! We have to help him!”

When Sam’s eyes met yours they were filled with tears. “It’s too late. He’s gone.”

With those words, your world shattered. 


	5. Chapter 5

“Well if Cas can’t bring him back then we have to do something else! He’s not going out like this!” You yelled at Sam. Sam was carrying Dean to the car and you were following close behind, in hysterics.

“Y/N, Dean wouldn’t want us to make any deals,” Sam responded. His eyes were swimming with tears of his own, but he seemed to be holding them back.

“Sam,” you began as he placed Dean’s body in the backseat. He didn’t respond or look at you, just went around to the drivers’ side silently.

“Sam,” you said again, following him. “Sam...Sam!” You yelled, shoving him. He finally turned around, his face contorted in anger.

“It’s not happening, Y/N! He’s gone! We aren’t going to do something stupid to get him back!” He yelled.

“You know what, Sam? You can do whatever you want. I’m not giving up, though!” You yelled back. You turned to walk away but stopped abruptly when someone was standing in front of you.

“You should really listen to Sam, Y/N.”

The reaper Billie was standing in front of you. She looked different, but you weren’t sure why.

“B-Billie? Why are you here?” You asked shakily. Sam came up next to you, grabbing your arm in worry.

“I’m here to make sure you don’t do anything pointless and stupid,” she said slowly.

“If you think I’m not going to try to get him back, you’re wrong,” you responded.

“You won’t be getting him back,” she said as she moved to lean against the car.

“Why not?” You asked.

“Because I won’t allow it.”

“No offense, but we’ve worked around reapers before,” you said.

“Well I’m no longer a reaper. I got a little promotion. I think you’ve heard of the position. It’s Death.”

You felt your eyes widen. Billie was Death? You knew Dean had killed Death but you didn’t even think about the fact that someone had to take his place.

“You? You’re Death?” You asked.

“Yes. And no matter what you do, you won’t be getting Dean back. I have taken his soul and put it somewhere none of you can get to it. But you don’t need to worry, he’s happy.”

“What the fuck? You can’t do that!” You yelled. You were beginning to panic.

“I am Death. I can do whatever I want. And you would do well to remember that. This is what needs to happen. It’s his time, and it’s part of a bigger plan.”

With that, she vanished. You felt your knees give out as your last bit of hope drained from your body.

You stayed on your knees sobbing for a few minutes. After a bit you felt Sam pull you up and carry you to the car. He placed you in the passenger seat, not saying a word. He got in the driver's seat, never once looking your way.

—-

When you reached the bunker, you and Sam gave Dean a hunter’s funeral. You burned his body on a pyre in a clearing in the woods behind the bunker. The two of you had only spoken a few words to each other since getting in the car and driving home.

Days went by. You kept to yourself, spending all day in the bed you and Dean had shared. His smell was starting to fade from his pillow, and you would often get up and get one of his shirts from the dresser and smell that. You cried yourself to sleep every night.

You knew Sam must be hurting too, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. You couldn’t even think Dean’s name without bursting into tears, let alone talk about him.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been two weeks and you were still laying in bed, unable to do much of anything. You had not eaten in days, the thought of food making you nauseous. You only forced enough water down to keep yourself alive, and sometimes you thought death may be better than the constant pain you were in. Dean had been your only family. Yours was gone, and you didn’t know what reason you had to stay.

You were weak and had lost a lot of weight already. Your curves had given way to jutting bones, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

You heard a light tap on your door, almost hesitant. You tried to say “come in,” but all that came out was a croak. You were on your side, curled up with one of Dean’s shirts.

“Oh my God,” Sam said, walking up next to the side of the bed. He knelt down beside it so he was face-to-face with you.

“Y/N...I knew you hadn’t been eating much but...you-you look awful,” he said. His eyes scanned your body, taking in the sharp edges your bones made.

You didn’t have the energy to do anything but stare. Sam’s eyes were concerned, a look you had never seen directed at you before.

“Y/N, you have to eat. You’re wasting away!” He yelled. You knew he was right, even though you weren’t sure you cared. You sat up, your head spinning immediately. You tried to stand, but your legs gave out and you fell in a heap on the floor. You squeezed your eyes shut. You wanted to tell Sam to just leave you to die there.

He bent down and picked you up, cradling you to his chest. He brought you to one of the comfy chairs in the library and sat you down. You brought your knees to your chest, unable to do anything else.

Sam left the room and returned with a glass of water. You reached a shaky hand out to take it, but Sam shook his head, using his other hand to put yours back on your knee.

“I think I’m going to have to help you. You’re too weak,” he said. He slowly brought the glass to your lips. “Take small sips,” he said, tilting it slightly.

You took a few small sips and let the water soothe your dry throat. He pulled the glass back and sat it on the small table beside you. “I’m gonna make you something small to eat, okay? I’ll be right back.”

You watched Sam walk back into the kitchen where you heard the light clanging of pots. You tried to understand what was happening, but your mind was fuzzy and you couldn’t concentrate. You hugged your knees again, waiting for Sam to come back.

After a few minutes, Sam came back into the room with a bowl of tomato soup. He pulled up a wooden chair to sit next to you. He dipped a spoon into the steaming soup and lifted it to your mouth.

You felt the soup go down your throat and start to warm your insides. You watched as Sam fed you a few more spoonfuls before giving you a break so you wouldn’t get sick.

“I’m gonna go put this in the fridge, and we’ll give you some more in a little bit,” he said, getting up from the chair. As he turned to leave your hand shot out and grabbed his.

“Sam,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “Why are you being so nice to me? I thought you hated me.”

Sam’s eyes widened a bit at the question. He pursed his lips after a moment before responding. “I don’t hate you, Y/N.”

With that he turned and walked to the kitchen, leaving you confused.

 


	7. Chapter 7

After a couple of days you were finally able to walk again. Sam had carried you to and from bed everyday to feed you. The two of you never said more than a few words to each other, but there was an understanding that you were grateful for what he was doing.

Sam had come in to take you to eat. You sat up, but held up your hand when he reached for you. You stood up on your own, wobbling slightly, but staying upright.

“I think I can walk,” you said quietly.

Sam nodded. “That’s good. Looks like you’re getting stronger,” he said.

“Yeah.” Sam waited for you to take a step. You felt that it wasn’t very stable when you did, so he offered his arm to you. He helped you walk to the door where you stopped him.

“Sam, I know this is awkward, but…” you began.

“What is it?” He asked.

“I smell so fucking bad,” you said.

After a moment Sam cracked a smile with a small chuckle. You couldn’t help but laugh a little too.

“I mean, I wasn’t gonna say anything…” he said. You lightly shoved him, which did nothing to him since you were so weak.

“Well the problem is that I don’t think I’m strong enough to stand for any extended period of time...so the shower might be a little difficult. Do...do you think you could help me?” You asked, looking at the floor.

You felt his fingers lift your chin until your eyes met his. “You don’t need to be embarrassed, Y/N. I understand how it’s been. Of course I’ll help you.”

You looked into his eyes and saw nothing but kindness. All it did was confuse you. This man had hated you so intensely for the longest time. Had Dean’s death softened him towards you?

Just thinking Dean’s name had tears pooling in your eyes. One fell and Sam wiped it away before pulling you to his chest in a hug. You were taken aback, but appreciated the contact.

After a few moments Sam broke the silence. “Yikes. We better get you that shower,” he said. You pulled back, laughing a little again.

“Please, this is nothing. I recall a few times when you stunk up the car so much with your farts that we had to roll all the windows down and stick our heads out like dogs.”

Sam chuckled a little. “Touché. C’mon,” he said, giving you his arm again and walking toward the showers.

—-

“So how’re we going to do this?” You asked, staring at the shower stall. You knew it would be awkward to have Sam help you with the shower, but you hadn’t thought about how it would even work.

“Well, uh...I think the only way it’ll work is if I get in there with you,” Sam said, his face turning red.

Your eyes widened. “Uh…”

“I’ll be wearing gym shorts, of course,” he said quickly.

“Oh, good, so I’ll be the only one naked then,” you replied sarcastically. Sam rolled his eyes.

“Do you want my help or do you want to continue smelling like garbage?”

You huffed, knowing he was right. “Fine. Just...try to avert your eyes, okay?”

He rolled his eyes again. “Okay.”

You were leaning your weight against the counter in the bathroom and Sam walked up behind you. You jumped a little before realizing he was going to have to help you undress.

“Arms up,” he said softly. You did as he said, lifting your arms slowly and allowing him to support your weight behind you. After your shirt was off, he bent down and you placed your hands on his shoulders as he pulled off your pajama pants. He stood up, still holding onto you, and you blushed.

“You don’t need to be embarrassed, Y/N. I _have_ seen women naked before,” he said with a chuckle.

“I know...it’s just...you’re _Dean’s brother,_ ” you said. You immediately fell silent, Dean’s name feeling foreign on your lips. It was the first time you’d said it since you’d been back at the bunker. Sam’s eyes flickered down, the name having the same effect on him.

Wanting to focus on anything else, you reached behind you and undid your bra, letting it fall to the floor. Sam’s eyes widened and he quickly looked away, his face turning a little red.

“Don’t be embarrassed, Sam. You _have_ seen women naked before,” you quoted his own words back to him with a crude imitation, then abruptly lost your balance.

He grabbed your arm to steady you, then smirked and chuckled a little. “Alright, just drop the panties and let’s get this over with.”

You did as he said and he walked you to the shower, his eyes averted the whole time. He turned on the hot water and you stepped in when it was the right temperature, Sam standing behind you out of the spray.

The water felt heavenly. You hadn’t showered in longer than you cared to admit. You could already feel the grime washing away. You leaned your head back and closed your eyes, savoring the feeling.

After a moment Sam cleared his throat. You had almost forgotten that he was there. You opened your eyes and he swallowed, gesturing to the shampoo.

You gave it to him and he proceeded to scrub your hair clean for you. You washed your own body with the exception of your back, which he got for you with a loofah.

As he scrubbed up and down your back you felt...aroused. It was immediately followed by guilt. Obviously you didn’t want to feel that way, especially after you just lost...it just wasn’t good.

After he finished washing you, you turned and rinsed off. You grabbed your towel from the hook and wrapped it around yourself, trying to hide your blush from Sam.

“Can you just help me back to my room?” You asked, not meeting his gaze.

“Sure,” he said, offering his arm. “Are you okay?” He asked, noticing you were acting weird.

“No Sam, I’m not. I don’t know if I ever will be,” you said, your voice small. Sam stayed quiet after that and walked you to your bed before leaving you alone until dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know y’all want to know, but I’m not telling if Dean will be back. You’ll just have to read and see :)


	8. Chapter 8

After a few more days you were finally strong enough to take care of yourself. You hadn’t really gained any weight back as you only ate little bits at a time.

You hated to admit it, but you actually missed having Sam help you with everything. In fact, you had milked it a little longer than necessary. It was just nice to have human contact. Going those two weeks alone after Dean died had nearly killed you.

You and Sam still barely spoke, but you were spending more time together. You could tell that he was afraid that you would slip back into the deep depression and stop eating, so he always made sure to cook for both of you.

He spent a lot of time in the gun range, presumably working through his grief. You had yet to figure out anything to help you with that. You had tried to go to the gun range, but even something as small as picking up your gun reminded you of Dean. It reminded you of the days when Dean wanted to win you over, and he would come up behind you, pretending to adjust your stance as you shot. You knew it was just an excuse to wrap his arms around you. Holding the gun now just reminded you that the space behind you was empty.

You had a hard time understanding how Sam was functioning so well after Dean’s death. It took everything in you to even get out of bed in the morning, and yet Sam was pretty much back to his usual schedule. He had even gone on a hunt by himself.

During one dinner, you couldn’t take it anymore. You had to ask.

“How are you so okay?” You asked abruptly.

Sam sat the burger he was holding down on the plate and stared at you with confused eyes.

“What?” He asked finally.

“How are you so okay? You’ve been taking care of me, yourself—even hunting. I just...how?” You asked, at a loss.

He shook his head slowly. “Trust me, Y/N, I’m not okay,” he responded after a few moments. “My heart is broken. Those first two weeks—when we didn’t spend any time together—I was a mess. I was almost as bad as you, except I made sure to eat and drink.”

You watched him as he explained, still trying to understand how he got from there to here.

“Then one morning I was laying in bed and I allowed myself to think about him. I had been avoiding it, because it just hurt to bad. But when I did I realized that he would have kicked my ass if he could have seen me just then.”

He stopped for a moment, taking in your confused expression.

“Y/N, Dean would have killed me if I didn’t take care of you. Hell, he’s probably...wherever he is...thinking, “finally, you fucking idiot,” now that I’ve been helping you.”

You allowed yourself to smile a little at his imitation of Dean.

“And...I know I haven’t been the nicest to you in the past,” he began. You gave him an annoyed look. “Okay, I was a dick. But honestly, if we’re going to get through this, we need each other.”

You nodded your head slowly, still taking it all in.

“It’s what he would want. It’s what he did want,” Sam said.

You sighed. This was all fine and dandy, as long as Sam was actually nice to you. You had never even given him reason to be such a jerk before. But, he was right, and you knew it was what Dean wanted.

“Okay,” you said, picking up your burger and taking a big bite. Sam watched you for a few moments before returning to his own. 


	9. Chapter 9

Wings fluttering made you look up from the book you were reading in your room to see Castiel standing near your door.

“Hey, Cas,” you said, knowing he wasn’t bringing any good news. Of course you had asked Cas to look into wherever Dean might be after he died. He had been searching for weeks and still hadn’t figured it out.

“Y/N,” he said with a nod. “How are you?”

“My heart feels like it was broken into a million pieces, and you?” You knew better than to waste pleasantries on Cas. He knew you weren’t okay.

“I’ve been better,” he said with a sigh. You knew that Dean’s death had taken a huge toll on Cas as well. He and Dean were almost as close and Dean and Sam were. They were family.

“Still no sign of him,” he said after a few moments.

“I figured,” you replied, looking back down at your book.

“I’m sorry.” He walked toward the bed and sat down at the foot, placing his hand on your crossed legs.

“Me too,” you said, looking up into his crystal blue eyes. Something about them put you a little more at ease.

“Cas, what about what Billie said? Do you have any idea what she meant?” You asked.

“How it’s ‘part of a bigger plan’?” He asked, remembering what you had told him. “No. Heaven doesn’t know what she was talking about, either. They didn’t have any orders for Dean to die.”

You frowned, disappointed. You didn’t blame Cas—you knew he was trying his hardest to get information.

“Y/N…” Cas began, hesitant. “Do you think that maybe it’s time to move on?”

“What?” You asked, already angry.

“I just...I don’t know that we’re going to find out what happened to Dean’s soul. Billie is an entity much more powerful than me, and unless she gives us information, there isn’t much we can do.”

You considered his words, your anger fading into sadness. You knew he was right. All of you had been trying to summon Billie and she refused to come.

“But Cas, how could I just give up?” You asked, tears flowing down your cheeks. “You know that Dean sure as hell wouldn’t give up if the situation were reversed.”

“I know, Y/N. But I also know that Dean would want you to be happy, or at least try to find happiness.”

You sighed. It was the last thing you wanted to do, but you were miserable. It didn’t mean you had to forget Dean or stop loving him. It just meant you had to live your life.

“I think I need to get back to hunting. Or at least get out of this bunker.”

Cas stood up. “I know you’ll be okay,” he said. “And just call or pray if you need me.”

“Thanks, Cas,” you said, standing up. You hugged him, tight. You let go and he vanished with a fluttering of wings.

—-

“Yeah, let’s do it.”

Sam was good with your idea to get out of the bunker. The two of you were going to a bar. You needed to unwind and get away from everything that reminded you of Dean.

You got ready to go, putting on “real” clothes for the first time in weeks. You put on your skinny jeans, wedge booties, and a flowing cold-shoulder shirt. You put on a little bit of makeup, keeping it fairly natural. You let your hair down and flowing over your shoulders.

You met Sam by the garage, and he looked you up and down.

“You look great, Y/N,” he said with a half-smile.

“Thanks. You look pretty good, too,” you returned. He was wearing his usual: jeans and a flannel.

The two of you got into one of the classic cars parked in the garage. It was an unspoken rule that you wouldn’t take the Impala.

When you arrived at the bar, you went in and Sam got you a table while you went to the bar. You knew alcohol would be needed, and not in short supply. You ordered two shots of tequila and four beers, bringing it all over to the table on a tray.

“Wow, you aren’t messing around,” Sam said when he saw it.

“Yep. Bottoms up,” you said, holding the shot up for a cheers. You clinked glasses and downed your shots, the liquid warm in your throat.

The two of you sat for a while just people watching. After a bit, Sam spoke.

“Hey, they have karaoke,” he said, pointing to the small stage where a middle-aged woman was singing Cher extremely off-key. “If I remember right, you have a pretty good voice.”

You looked at the woman, considering what Sam said. You knew you’d probably make a fool of yourself, but the alcohol made you feel more confident. Plus, you loved music. It had always had a way of letting you express your emotions in a constructive way.

You shrugged. “Alright,” you said, getting up. You flipped through the song choices in the binder next to the machine, surprised by the variety you found. The song you ended up picking was fairly new.

You knew that it was a bit of a risk, but you also knew that the lyrics reflected exactly how you felt.

You got up on the stage as the beginning chords started and closed your eyes, letting the music wash over you.

_You can't lie_  
_Words stay once said  
Hard to live, so I play dead_

You kept your voice steady, focusing on the singing so you wouldn’t cry.

_I can’t drink you gone_  
_I can’t smoke you out  
I can’t eat away the way that you ate my heart out_

You got more intense as the chorus went on, feeling every word you were singing.

_Like a sinking ship while the band plays on  
When I dream, you’re there, I can’t even sleep you gone_

With the next words you opened your eyes and looked at Sam, almost asking him the question you knew you were both struggling with.

_How do broken hearts get strong?  
Tell me, how do broken hearts get strong?_

When you finished the chorus and the music continued, you looked around. The entire bar was silent, everyone watching you.

_I still feel your hand in mine  
Think I need much more than time_

You sang the chorus again, much more powerfully than the last time.

_I remember when we used to say_  
_Forever, babe  
Forever, babe_

As you came to the last chorus, the music slowed down again.

_I can’t drink you gone_  
_I can’t smoke you out_  
_I can’t eat away the way that you ate my heart out_  
_Like a sinking ship while the band plays on_  
_When I dream, you’re there, I can’t even sleep you gone_

_How do broken hearts get strong?_  
_Tell me, how do broken hearts get strong?_  
_Oh, how do broken hearts get strong?_  
_Tell me, how do broken hearts go on?_

As the song ended, you stood for a moment in the silence before applause broke out over the bar.

You walked back to the table and sat down. You looked up at Sam, who was staring at you. He had tears in his eyes.

“Y/N...that was...I can’t even...that was perfect.”

You let a tear escape one of your eyes as you looked at him. “Really?” You asked.

He reached over the table and wiped the tear off your cheek with the back of his index finger. “It was beautiful.”

You smiled a little. He reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. As you looked at him, you knew that whatever animosity he felt toward you before was gone. You still didn’t understand why, but you didn’t question it in that moment. It was just nice to have someone there who understood what you were feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Drink You Gone by Ingrid Michaelson. If music affects you the way it does me, you should go listen to it :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally accidentally skipped adding this chapter. It was kind of a filler chapter anyway, but I’ll add it now :)

After an evening of drinking, you were pretty drunk. Sam had stayed sober enough to drive, thankfully. He took you both back to the bunker in the wee hours of the morning. He had to help you out of the car and into the bunker because you were swaying so much.

When you got to the hall inside the door to the garage, you stumbled some more and Sam had to practically catch you so you wouldn’t hit the hard stone floor.

“Okay, Stumbly,” he said, picking you up and carrying you bridal-style, “let’s get you to bed.”

As he carried you, you closed your eyes from the dizziness and haze the alcohol gave you. You leaned into Sam’s shoulder and caught a whiff of his natural smell. He smelled of books, pine, and a manly musk smell that you couldn’t put your finger on.

You took the hand that was around his neck and lifted it to touch the soft ends of his hair. His hair was silky smooth, and you were almost jealous of it.

“S-Sam Winchester, do you use c-conditioner in your hair?” You slurred.

You felt his chuckle reverberate through his chest. “Yeah. You won’t remember that tomorrow anyway,” he said, still chuckling.

“Don’t you underestimate me, Sammy,” you said in a voice that didn’t come out as stern as you had meant it to.

Soon you were at your room and Sam opened the door and turned on the lights before laying you down on the bed. He pulled off your shoes for you and you wriggled under the covers.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he said, turning to leave.

“Sam?” You asked before he got to the door.

“Yeah?” He asked, turning around.

“Why did you hate me so much?”

Sam stood looking at you for a few moments, unsure of what to say. “We should really talk about that some other time, Y/N.”

“But I wanna know!” You whined.

“And you will,” he said, walking over and kneeling next to your bedside. “But right now you just need to sleep.” He leaned over and placed a small kiss on your forehead, and you felt your cheeks warm. He pulled back and looked into your eyes, and you felt your heart speed up a bit. Within seconds, though, he was gone. He closed your door, leaving you in your dark room. You didn’t have much time to think about the moment, though, before the exhaustion and alcohol took you into a deep slumber.

  
—-

The next morning you woke to a sliver of light shining on your face. You opened one eye and immediately squinted it when the bright light hit it.

“Oh, God,” you said, your hand going to your throbbing head.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Sam said, walking into your room.

“Ugh, kill me,” you said with a raspy voice.

“Here,” Sam said, handing you some aspirin and water. You sat up and took them gratefully.

“God, did I drink the whole bar last night?” You asked.

Sam sat down next to you. “You had a lot. Do you even remember it?”

“I remember most of it,” you said, trying to smooth your wild hair down. “I remember laughing a lot.”

A small smile graced Sam’s face. “We did have a pretty good time. I think there was a pretty clear correlation between the amount of alcohol you were drinking and the amount of fun we were having. You were pretty entertaining.”

It was true. It was the first fun you had in the time since Dean’s death, and it was nice.

“Well it was good to get out. We’ll have to do it again sometime so I can practice some moderation.”

“That sounds good,” he said. He smiled at you, and for once it reached his eyes. You hadn’t seen him smile like that in a long time, and you noticed how handsome his face was. It was already handsome usually, but when he smiled—wow.

Sam patted you on the knee and got up to leave. You spoke just before he reached the door again.

“I didn’t forget about our conversation last night,” you said. He stopped in his tracks but didn’t turn around. “You _will_ tell me why you hated me so much.”

Sam stood with his back to you for another moment before continuing out the door, leaving you alone. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, long chapter. Lots of happenings. Enjoy :)

After your conversation the two of you had a few days where you didn’t spend much time together. You spoke enough to know that you both had been searching for cases, though. You finally got a hit on something and went to tell him about it. It was fairly late at night, but you hadn’t heard the sound of Sam shuffling down the hall to bed, so you figured he was still up researching.

“Hey, Sam, what do you think about this hunt—“ you began, walking into the library. You stopped mid sentence when you saw him.

Sam was sitting at the table but he was sort of slumped over. There were bottles everywhere—beer, whiskey—all empty or almost empty.

“H-hey Y/N!” He slurred.

“Hey, Sammy…” you said. He was clearly three sheets to the wind.

“Y-you wanna drink?” He asked.

“No, I’m good. I’m not sure there’s any left anyway,” you said, picking up an empty bottle and trying not to laugh. You pulled out a chair across from him and sat down. “Been drinking a bit there?”

“Yeah. I-I just-st needed a break,” he responded, leaning forward on the table.

“A break from what?” You asked. You looked at his face. His cheeks were flushed from the alcohol, and his long chestnut hair was disheveled. His pupils were dilated, and you could barely see any of the hazel irises he had.

“A break from being sad.” Your heart clenched a little at his words. You knew exactly how he felt. The pain and sadness was unending. You almost envied him, but you knew that the pain wasn’t even really gone when you were drunk.

“Well, Sam, you know you could have come to talk to me. You didn’t have to do this,” you said, gesturing to the bottles.

Sam shook his head with his eyes closed. “Nah, I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” You asked.

He leaned forward and gestured for you to come closer like he was going to tell a secret. “D-don’t wanna get too clos-se,” he said.

“Too close to me?” You asked, backing away a bit from his alcohol-soaked breath. “Why would you say that?”

He scrunched up his face and shook his head. If you weren’t concerned about him, it would have actually been adorable.

“It’s a secret,” he said finally.

“Does it have to do with why you hated me?” You asked. You knew it probably wasn’t right to take advantage of his state to get information, but you had been dying to know what you did wrong.

“H-Hated you? I never hated you, Y-Y/N,” he said with puppy dog eyes.

“I think you did, Sam,” you said. There was no misinterpreting his actions back then.

“I love you, Y/N. Not hate. Love,” he said. Your eyes grew wide at his statement. You weren’t sure if this was just Drunk Sam talking—like how you love everything when you’re drunk—or if he meant it. You knew now was not the time you were going to find out, though.

“Alright, cowboy, let’s get you to bed,” you said, standing up and walking to his side of the table.

“Dean loved cowboys,” he muttered as you helped him stand.

“He sure did,” you said, helping him to put his arm around you.

“Ha, you’re short,” he said before bursting out into what could only be described as giggles.

“Another ringer,” you said sarcastically.

“Now it’s your turn to put me to bed,” he said, booping your nose with his index finger. You were surprised he was coordinated enough to even do that.

Walking him to bed was no easy task. He was swaying everywhere and he was a lot of inches taller than you. When you finally got him to his room, he plopped down on the bed, laid on his stomach, and immediately started snoring. You pulled his shoes off for him and laid a blanket over him before turning off the light. You stood for a moment in the doorway, watching him sleep by the light coming in from the hallway.

Sam had insisted twice now that he never hated you.

Then what the fuck was his problem?

—-

After Sam recovered from his hangover, the two of you headed out for the hunt you had found. You were a little nervous getting back to hunting, and a lot emotional going without Dean.

The two of you didn’t speak of the night he was drunk. You had taken care of him with aspirin and water like he had for you, and even cooked him a greasy breakfast, which he ate under duress, saying it was “so unhealthy.” You made him eat it, though, since you knew it would help soak up the alcohol and cure his hangover faster.

Sam poked you, bringing you out of your thoughts. He was driving the Impala. Neither of you had wanted to take it, but it was the only car that was all set up for hunting.

“You okay?” He asked.

You shook your head a little to clear it. “Yeah. This is just hard. But you know that.”

Sam nodded with a sigh. “Should we listen to some music?” He asked.

You smiled a little and pulled out Dean’s box of cassettes. You found the perfect one and popped it in.

When the opening of “Ramble On” by Led Zeppelin came on Sam turned to you and smiled. You smiled back through tears, starting to sing along to what was Dean’s favorite song.

The rest of the drive was weird, but good. You and Sam talked openly about Dean for the first time since he died. You listened to all his favorite tapes, different songs reminding you both of different memories you had with Dean. You told stories and laughed and cried together. By the end of the trip, you felt closer to Sam than you ever had.

He pulled up to the motel you were staying in. It was in a small town that was just outside of Sioux Falls. Jody had emailed you info about the case and you had looked into it before deciding to go. It was a pretty cut and dry vampire case, but Jody was so busy with the girls that she didn’t have time to take care of it.

Since you arrived late at night, you checked into the motel to sleep before starting in on the case in the morning. You opened the door to room number twenty, whose numbers were barely hanging on by their screws.

The only room available had only one bed, so you and Sam were going to have to share. You were a little nervous about it. Not only were you going to share a bed with a giant, but you would be sharing a bed with someone for the first time since Dean.

“So, are you sure you’re okay with this?” Sam asked, gesturing around the tiny room.

“It’s fine, Sam.” You put your bag down on the bed and grabbed everything you needed to take a shower. You went into the small bathroom and started the shower. You took a fairly long shower, letting the warm water wash away your nerves. You sang as well, something that always made you feel better.

 _Now I’m told that this is life_  
_And pain is just a simple compromise_  
_So we can get what we want out of it_

 _Would someone care to classify_  
_Our broken hearts and twisted minds_  
_So I can find_  
_Someone to rely on_

_And run to them, to them_  
_Full speed ahead_

_Oh you are not useless_  
_We are just misguided ghosts_  
_Traveling endlessly_

_The ones we trusted the most_  
_Pushed us far away_

_And there’s no one road_  
_We should not be the same_

_I’m just a ghost_  
_And still they echo me_

_They echo me in circles_

You stopped singing and turned off the shower, drying yourself off. You put on your pajamas and left the bathroom, drying your hair with the towel.

Sam was sitting on the bed. He wasn’t doing anything, which kind of took you aback. Usually he would be researching some more or preparing for the next day’s case.

“What’re you doing?” You asked. He looked up from the floor and at you.

“I was listening to you,” he said.

“To me singing?” You asked. You blushed a little when he nodded. “That’s embarrassing.”

You hung the towel over a chair and sat down next to him on the bed. He turned to you, his face serious.

“Y/N...don’t be embarrassed. You honestly have the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard.”

You didn’t know what to say. No one had ever said that to you.

“And the songs you sing...the one in the bar? And the one just now? They’re haunting, and—and perfect.”

You couldn’t speak. He was being so heartfelt and sweet. Your heart sped up, and Sam’s eyes were shifting from yours to your lips. He slowly leaned in, and you weren’t going to stop him.

That is, until you remembered something.

“Sam,” you whispered. Your lips were inches apart. “I can’t do this. Not until I know why you hated me.” You leaned back, taking in his disappointed face.

“Y/N, I told you, I never hated you,” he said, running his hands through his hair.

“Sam, you and I both know that’s not true. You treated me like shit every day, and I never gave you any reason!”

Sam stood up, pacing and running a hand down his face. “I had to, okay? I had to push you away!”

“Why, Sam?” You asked angrily.

“Because I was in love with you!” He yelled. You sat frozen at his words. “I _am_ in love with you. I’ve been in love with you pretty much since the day we met.”

“Wha...h-how…” you stuttered.

Sam sat next to you again. “That’s why I acted the way I did. And I’m sorry, I know I was horrible. I shouldn’t have acted like that and I shouldn’t have said the things I did.”

You still said nothing, unable to form words.

“Honestly, if Dean hadn’t asked you first, I would have asked you out. But I didn’t, and I regret it everyday. But...he was my brother. And I knew if I was nice to you I would just want you more.”

Everything he was saying was just confusing you. You couldn’t wrap your head around it.

“Y/N...I never wanted to do anything to make you uncomfortable. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you this. It’s just...since Dean died, I knew I couldn’t be a jerk to you anymore. We needed each other to get through this.”

He reached up and grazed your face with the back of his hand before tucking stray hair behind your ear. “I know I couldn’t get through this without you.”

You were so conflicted. Getting close to Sam had been great, but you felt like you’d be betraying Dean if you took it any further. Plus, could you really forgive him that easily for treating you the way he did before?

“No.”

“No, what?” He asked

“No, I can’t do this. You—you were awful to me. You could have just been honest, but you were awful instead.”

“Y/N, I—“ he began.

“No,” you cut him off. “Let’s go to bed. We have a hunt in the morning.” You quickly got under the covers, putting yourself as close to the edge of the bed as you could. You heard Sam sigh before the lights were turned out and the bed moved next to you as he climbed in.

You tried hard to sleep but knew it would be almost impossible after the discussion you just had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is Misguided Ghosts by Paramore :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of chapters today because I am sick with nothing else to do.

You and Sam barely spoke while getting ready for the hunt the next morning. Every once and awhile you would catch him sending apologetic looks your way. You really had to avoid looking at him, since those puppy dog eyes could be pretty irresistible.

When you arrived at the warehouse where you believed the vampires to be, the two of you got out of the car quietly and got machetes from the trunk. It was daytime, so you were hoping that the vamps would be asleep.

You approached the warehouse. It was an old factory of some kind—clearly abandoned for a while. All the windows were broken and boarded up.

Sam opened the door slowly, the hinges emitting a loud squeak. You both froze, your machetes at the ready. Nothing happened, so you continued inside. When you walked in, you saw that the bottom level was empty. There was a loft area above where there were big windows that created an office. You knew that was probably where the vamps would be sleeping.

The two of you climbed the metal stairs quietly, each taking one side around the outside of the office. There was a door on each side, luckily, so you split up and planned to trap them. Jody said there were two, and you hoped she was right.

You peeked your head through the small window that was in the door. Inside the office you saw two vampires sleeping on cots. You looked across the room and saw Sam doing the same thing. He held up his hands, giving you the signal to go on three. You gave him a quick nod and readied yourself.

When Sam’s fingers hit three you both threw open the doors. The vampires woke to the sound and stood up quickly. They barely had time to even bare their fangs, though, as you and Sam were ready. You cut off their heads in one swift motion and they thudded to the ground.

You and Sam stood panting for a moment. “That was easy,” you said. Sam nodded and the two of you left the office, heading for the stairs. Suddenly you heard a rustling sound behind you. You both turned to see another vampire. It had been hiding when you killed the others.

It’s fangs were bared, and it made to lunge at you. Before you could comprehend what was happening, Sam had pushed you out of the way.

The vampire sunk its teeth into Sam’s neck. You quickly stabbed him with your machete so he would let Sam go. When he did, you quickly chopped off his head.

Sam crumpled to the ground. He was losing blood fast, and he was already unconscious.

“No, no, God, not you, too!” You cried. “Sam, wake up!”

His head lolled to the side and you did the only thing you could think of.

“Castiel, hear my prayer! Sam needs your help! Please hurry!”

There was a fluttering of wings and Cas knelt down beside you. Tears streamed down your cheeks as he lifted his fingers to Sam’s forehead.

“It’s not too late,” he said. You saw a warm, white light come from the wound in Sam’s neck, then it was gone.

“He’ll be okay,” Cas said.

“Oh, thank you, Cas! Thank you so much!” You yelled as you hugged him tightly.

Cas returned the hug before looking back at Sam when you separated. “He will likely be asleep for a few hours as he continues to recover. He lost a lot of blood.”

“Okay. I’ll keep an eye on him. Can you take him back to the motel and stay with him until I get there with the car?”

“Yes. See you soon.” With that, Cas put his hand on Sam’s shoulder and they both disappeared. You rushed to the car, speeding all the way back to the motel to make sure Sam was okay.


	13. Chapter 13

You sat in a chair beside the bed where Sam was resting. You held his hand, watching as his chest rose and fell steadily. 

Cas had left after you arrived, saying he had matters to attend to. You had been sitting with Sam for an hour, and you were starting to worry again. 

“Sam, you have to wake up soon. I can’t lose you.” You watched for movement but he continued sleeping.

You wanted to talk to him, to tell him that you cared. You knew you needed to get it out even if he couldn’t hear you. The problem was, you were never good with finding the right words to say. That was why you liked music. You could use other people’s words to get your feelings out. 

You remembered how much Sam said he loved your voice and decided to sing to him.

_Such pain as this shouldn't have to be experienced_  
_I'm still reeling from the loss, still a little bit delirious_

_Near to you_  
_I am healing but it’s taking so long_

_Cause though he’s gone and you are wonderful_  
_It’s hard to move on_

_Yet, I’m better near to you_  
_Yet, I’m better near to you_

_With you and I, it's something different_  
_I'm enjoying it cautiously_  
_I'm battle scarred; I am workin' oh-so hard to get_  
_Back to who I used to be_

_He's disappearing, but he’s still with me_  
_And I'm so close to being yours_  
_Won't you stay with me, please?_

You sang the chorus again before you felt a light squeeze on your hand. You gasped and looked down to see two beautiful hazel eyes looking back at you.

“Sam?” You asked quietly.

“Such a beautiful voice,” he said, his voice a little raspy. 

“Oh, thank God you’re okay!” You said as you hugged him hard.

He hugged you back, and you pulled back to look at him.

“How could you be so stupid?!” You yelled. He was confused by your quick change of mood.

“What?” He asked.

“You nearly got yourself killed! Why did you push me out of the way?!”

He laughed a little at your anger. “I thought I made it pretty clear already that I love you. I wasn’t about to lose you!”

“Sam, what would I have done if you died? I wouldn’t survive that!” You yelled. You were getting emotional just thinking about it. Your eyes filled with tears and he reached up to wipe them away.

“Shh, I’m okay. I’m here. I’m not leaving you,” he chanted, pulling you in for another hug. He stroked the back of your hair, still whispering the sweet words in your ear. 

After a few minutes you calmed down. Sam was still holding you, and it felt good. You didn’t know what to think. You knew he loved you, and you knew you loved him, too. You weren’t sure if it was in the same way, but it sure as hell felt like it could have been.

But then you felt guilty. 

This was Dean’s brother. 

You knew he would want you to be happy, but like this? You didn’t know for sure. All you knew is that there was a big emptiness inside you, and Sam had been slowly filling it.

You lifted your head off his shoulder and looked at him. He searched your Y/E/C eyes and brought a hand to your cheek. 

“Sam,” you whispered. You could feel your heartbeat in your ears, your breath coming in quick gasps.

You closed your eyes, and Sam’s soft lips captured yours in a hungry kiss. You held back for a moment, still unsure. After a moment, though, something in you clicked. 

It all felt right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is Near to You by A Fine Frenzy. Had to change a small lyric to make it fit better with this story, but you should go listen to the real version :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All smut, ya’ll.

Sam pulled you onto his lap so you were straddling him. His hands grasped the skin on your waist roughly as they slipped under your shirt. Your mouths were moving in perfect sync, desperate and needy as you kissed. Your tongues swirled around each other, and you leaned your head back when his mouth traveled down to suck on the sensitive skin there. 

His big hands roamed up your body, and your shirt lifted a little as they did. You let go of him and removed your shirt, your top half only covered by your lacy black bra. Sam did the same, his muscular chest now pressed up against yours. 

His kisses traveled down further, his mouth on the swell of your breasts. He reached behind and unclasped your bra in one quick move before taking a nipple into his mouth and sucking. You threw your head back in pleasure, and you could feel the wetness growing between your legs. You ground down against his erection, eliciting a moan from him. 

He grabbed onto your ass, picking you up and turning you around so you were laying on the bed with him hovering over you. He quickly undid your jeans and pulled them off, leaving you in just a lacy pair of panties. 

“God, Y/N. You’re so perfect. I had the hardest time keeping my eyes off you when I helped you shower before,” he said as he removed his own pants. 

You smiled up at him, eager for him to come back. When he did, he worked his way down your torso, kissing his way down to the hem of your panties. He hooked his long fingers on each side and pulled them down slowly. You could hardly stand the anticipation, and you actually ached at your core. 

You gasped as he quickly put his mouth on your center, lapping his way through your folds and around your clit. You could feel yourself climbing toward your orgasm already, and he didn’t seem like he would be stopping anytime soon. 

“Come for me,” he said against you, sending vibrations straight through you. A few moments later you did, writhing against him as he licked you through your orgasm. 

When you came down he crawled up, lining himself up at your entrance. You grabbed onto his shoulders and lifted your legs to wrap around him. When you did he pushed into you, his size causing you to moan as you adjusted to it. 

He began thrusting in and out, and you could feel yourself building a second time. You watched as his hair flopped in his face, a little bit of mist forming on his forehead from the exertion. You knew he was already close, so you reached down and rubbed your clit, getting yourself closer and closer as he did the same.

“Sam!” You yelled. You both came within seconds of each other, and Sam plopped down on the bed next to you as you both recovered. 

You turned and looked at him, biting your lip. “That was…”

“Amazing,” Sam finished for you. He pulled you in close, snuggling you to his chest. You could barely keep your eyes open as you basked in the afterglow of your orgasms.


End file.
